


Charred Senses

by HMS_Chill



Category: Red White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:55:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23440552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HMS_Chill/pseuds/HMS_Chill
Summary: Henry is in London, he's in pain, and Alex is stuck an ocean away.
Relationships: Alex Claremont-Diaz/Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor
Comments: 37
Kudos: 284





	Charred Senses

By the time Alex hears the news, Henry is in a London hospital. Bea's been hurt. She was on her way to a parliament meeting with her mom, in a car that was supposed to be carrying her grandmother. Something went wrong, an act of terrorism or some sort of sabotage or just bad luck. Alex isn't sure of the details; he'd stopped listening the minute Cash told him that both Bea and Catherine were in the hospital. They crashed. Catherine is expected to make a full recovery, but Bea's side of the car was hit much more directly. She's in critical condition. 

Henry was in the air when it happened, coming back to the U.S. for a big gala supporting the Brooklyn youth shelter that night. He'd turned around the minute his pilot heard what happened. He's in London now, probably sitting by himself, waiting for Bea to get out of a surgery that she might not survive. Pez was somewhere, Australia or South Africa or China or Antarctica, and he'll be in London eventually, but not for a long time. Henry is sitting in a room, alone, scared to death, and with no one coming to keep him company for hours. He just has to sit and hope all by himself.

And he's told Cash not to let Alex leave until after the gala.

They're supposed to give a speech together; a welcome speech for the gala they were supposed to host together. It's their biggest annual fundraiser by a long shot; it's what supports at least a dozen scholarships of one form or another and often leads to a massive uptick in sponsorships, a program where someone with money covers the costs of housing one of the kids who desperately needs it. And Henry told Cash in no uncertain terms that Alex is not to leave the country until it's over. Nora, June, and Raf are all coming to help him, but he has to be there, and he has to give the speech.

He goes home between class and the gala, when he should be going to the airport to pick Henry up, mostly because he's not sure where else to go. Home feels wrong; it's empty and awful without Henry there, taking a nap on the couch to beat jet lag or making Alex go over the speech again. Alex had been all ready for him to come home. He'd cleaned the whole house and started a nice lunch and everything. Now, coming in by himself just feels wrong. He tries to pack, since he'll be going to London the second Cash lets him, but he can't focus or think about anything but Henry, sitting alone in a hospital. Eventually, he just sits on the floor with David, surrounded by half-packed clothes, pretending to watch _Parks and Rec_ as it plays on the TV in front of him. He's texted Henry a few times, to no response, and he's trying not to overthink what that might mean.

Nora comes, her hair and makeup done and her dress in a bag so she can be there until the gala. She helps him pack and gets out what he should wear for the night, then she brings him a plate of food and sits on the bed behind him, combing her fingers through his hair and trying to reassure him. It doesn't work, exactly; she's rambling about statistical outcomes at a speed his brain is too muddled to follow, but it's better than being alone. When Henry doesn't answer his calls, she can remind Alex that he's probably just overwhelmed. When Pez texts that he's delayed by a storm somewhere around Paris, Nora can reassure Alex that Henry will be okay, that he's got Shaan and some PPOs he trusts to look after him. He has people there to help until Pez gets there.

But when Pez finally, finally gets to the hospital, he doesn't have much time between comforting Henry and finding out what's wrong. He manages a few short updates, just enough to keep Alex glued to his phone like his and Bea's lives depend on it. The updates come in slowly. 

Bea's out of surgery after a few hours. She's in critical condition.

Catherine is okay, but unconscious. Phillip is with her.

Time is passing, and Bea is unconscious, and Henry is hurting, and Alex isn't there. 

He calls that night, on his way to the gala, but it goes to voicemail. He leaves the longest message the phone will let him, just telling Henry over and over that he is brave, and tough, and that Alex will be there as soon as he can. When he finally runs out of space on the voicemail, he has a text from Henry, his first in hours:

_"My senses are charred. I shall feel again as soon as I dare, but now I must not.” — Owen to Sassoon, October 1918_

Alex just closes his eyes, leaning back in the seat. He'd fought June and Nora about his sitting in the middle seat, but now he's glad as June pulls him into a hug and Nora rubs his arm. They remind him that Henry is going to be okay, that he has Pez with him and that Alex will be there for him by England's morning. It doesn't help. Henry, his Henry, is an ocean away, his heart breaking and Alex's falling apart right next to it.

The rest of the drive passes in a blur. They get to the gala, and Alex feels Nora and June at his side, the speech folded in his pocket. Somehow, he makes manageable small talk for almost an hour while people find their seats, the girls helping take over when he gets overwhelmed. But he can thank people for coming and encourage them to interact with the kids from the youth shelter who've come out for the night, deflecting from himself however he can. If he focuses on the kids, he can keep at least half his brain busy with that. That only leaves half his brain to worry about Henry.

Finally, finally, it's time for the speech. He's just introducing the shelter and MCing for the night, but he's supposed to be doing it with Henry. He goes on stage anyway, trying to ignore Henry's absence as he spreads the speech Henry wrote out on the podium in front of him, resting his hands on the side of the podium so they don't shake.

"Friends, Romans, countrymen. Lend me your-- sorry, that's... that's the wrong speech." There are a few scattered laughs, and Alex looks up to say, "Sorry, Henry wrote that. I told him it wasn't funny, but he wouldn't take it out. Don't blame me."

That gets more laughter, but it also reminds Alex that Henry's not there. He's spent the night explaining why he can't be for everyone who asks, but it's different to stand in front of all of them alone. It's been so long since he gave a speech without Henry there to support him, doing it now feels almost like presenting in his underwear. 

Henry's absence is a constant ache for the rest of the night. When he sits backstage and texts Pez for updates instead of listening to Raf's speech, Alex is missing Henry. When he goes out to introduce different groups of kids to perform in a talent show, he misses Henry. And after the show, after everything is over, he misses Henry, but Cash says he can't leave. June and Nora promise to help him, but he misses Henry so much he thinks he might die.

From Pez's texts and what Cash has heard, Bea's not in good condition. Catherine is awake and stable, but she's on a lot of pain meds. Henry's chased his grandmother out twice, and Phillip has been in once and tried to help, but he's mostly busy keeping his mom company. Mostly, it's just Henry and Pez watching Bea suffer, and Alex wants nothing more than to be there. Not even seeing Raf and Professor Westbrook from his constitutional law class hitting it off is enough to pull him back to the event at hand, though he does take note of it for later.

Eventually, it's late enough and enough people have left that Cash will let Alex slip out the back. Nora and June both have massive hugs for him, and then he's going, going toward Henry as fast as anyone will take him. He calls again from the plane, and he's about to leave another message when Henry's shaking voice says, "Alex?"

"Baby. I'm coming. I'm on a plane; I'm on my way. I love you."

"I... I love you. Please hurry?"

"As fast as I can, I swear. I could have been there now, but you wanted me at the gala. Cash wouldn't let me leave."

"How... how was it?"

"Are you sure--"

"Distract me, please. Pez went for breakfast half an hour ago."

So Alex talks about the gala, and about the kids, until Pez comes back and Henry says he's alright and it only halfway sounds like a lie. After he hangs up, Alex texts Pez again, and Pez tells him that Bea's stable now, but it's a fragile stability. She's nowhere near out of the woods. Alex wants to scream. He wants to yell at the pilot to go faster, even though he knows they're going as fast as they can. He wants to be there already. He wants to warp or travel back in time so that he can already be holding Henry close and telling him it will be okay.

He barely lets the plane stop before he's at the door, barely waits for the steps to be locked down and the door opened before he's making a beeline for the waiting car. It's 9 AM London time, meaning it's 4 AM in New York. He hasn't slept, so he should probably be tired, but he's too stressed for that. Henry is so close now; Alex could swear he can feel him. They pull up to the hospital as he's reviewing the directions Pez sent, and then he's all but jumping from the car, leaving Cash to get his bag as he finally runs toward Henry.

The hospital is bigger than he'd expected, but between Pez's directions and the signs on the walls, he manages to find the room. Shaan opens the door for him before he says anything. He sees Pez first, napping on the couch. Then Bea, in the bed, and finally Henry, in the chair beside her, legs pulled up to his chest as he stares at her. He's wearing all the stress and fear of the past sixteen and a half hours on his face, but he looks up as Alex comes in. He lets out a bit of a whimper escape and holds out his arms, and Alex is there to scoop him up and hold him close. Somehow, he gets Henry in his lap in the chair, holding him tightly as he wraps his arms around Alex's neck and sobs into Alex's shoulder.

"I love you. I love you. I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner. It'll be alright; I love you. I'm sorry," Alex says softly, holding Henry close and trying not to think about the pit inside of him, the way that every bad thing will hurt that much more. He tries hard not to think about how Bea is the one who helped him understand how things hurt Henry, or about how she might be the only person who understands everything there is to know about Henry and the only one who has always loved him unconditionally. Bea has always loved Henry with everything in her. And now, she's lying beside them, and no matter how much Alex knows she's alive, it's hard to believe.

Henry's sobs eventually die down, slowly but surely replaced by quiet snores. He seems so precious, suddenly; Alex has to take a moment just looking at him to process it. The tears on his cheeks, the mussed hair, the crumpled shirt covering a heart that refuses to stop beating even in the face of the worst the world has to offer. All these little things that make Henry strong in his fragility, tough in his pain, indomitable even in tragedy. Alex isn't sure he's ever been so desperately, heartbreakingly in love. He's not sure what to do other than to pull Henry closer, to press a kiss to the side of his head just above his ear and hold still so he can sleep.

So Pez naps on the couch. Henry sleeps in Alex's lap, slowly but surely making Alex's legs fall asleep, too. A nurse comes in, and Alex finally gets to ask the million questions that have been building up inside him since he got the news. The answers turn out to be the same ones he's been getting from everyone else, but that uncertainty somehow feels better when it's coated in professional jargon. Cash appears when the nurse leaves, a coffee with cinnamon in his hand to help Alex stay awake, keeping a quiet vigil over the three sleeping Brits.

Eventually, Pez wakes up and steps out to get an update on Catherine and bring them a meal that's probably lunch. Alex promises to stay awake, looking after two of the toughest people he knows. He's on his third coffee and still fighting sleep when the steady beat of the heart rate monitor changes. At first, he's sure he imagined it. But it is faster, he's sure. He's trying to wake Henry up gently when he sees Bea's hand shift, and he looks up to see her eyes open, a soft smile fixed on the two of them. Alex can't believe it.

"Bea?"

"Hello, love."

"Bea! Henry, H, Baby, you've got to-- he was awake for ages, I swear, he-- Bea's awake." Henry's awake now, too, blinking before nuzzling back into Alex's shoulder, only to pull back so quickly that he almost falls out of the chair when he processes what Alex has said. Alex keeps him safe, laughing a bit as Henry turns to grab Bea's hand and ask, "Bea? You... you're okay?"

"I'm okay. Or I guess... I guess maybe 'I'm going to be okay' is a better way to phrase it. But I'm alright. I'm here. Oh, Hen, it's okay. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

He's pulled her into a careful hug, crying, and she rubs his back. She makes eye contact with Alex and gives him a little smile, and he says, "We're glad to have you back with us. You gave us quite the scare."

"Is... have I been out long? Is Mum..."

"She's alright. Still recovering, but alright. And it's... it's been just shy of a day since the crash. I... I think you've been out the whole time; he wouldn't let me come right away. He said I had to give a speech at a fundraiser for the youth center first." Bea laughs a bit, giving Henry a little squeeze. He's not crying, but he doesn't seem to be planning on moving away any time soon, either. 

"Selfless to a fault," she says softly, like the beautiful thing it is. Henry gives her another gentle squeeze, then pulls back, fresh tear tracks on his cheeks but a smile on his face. Bea gives them both one of her punk-rock grins, and in a moment of clarity, Alex knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that they're going to come out of this stronger than ever.

**Author's Note:**

> I saw this Wilfred Owen quote, written a month before the end of WWI and only a few weeks before Owen would die, and I knew I had to write something with it. So I went, "what would hurt Henry the most?" and I decided this was it.  
> -  
> A massive thanks to Maggie (@bibliosoph) for helping me title things!  
> -  
> As always, I'm [HMS-Chill](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/hms-chill) on tumblr for fic stuff, and I'd love to chat either there or here. Thanks y'all!


End file.
